You know the worst part about moving? Everything.
Movers are crazy expensive. It’s a hassle reaching out to utility companies. And don’t get me started about finding a decent apartment to rent.
Luckily, when I moved to Cleveland to work for Ideastream Public Media a few months ago, everything went smoothly. I found my apartment, I was excited for the job and everything was set in place. However, weeks after all the moving stress — once all of the boxes were unpacked and my family left — I realized the actual worst part of moving: the loneliness. I was in an entirely new city with no friends and no community. Finding a consistent group of friends after my last move took over a year. Could it be even longer this time?
I wouldn’t describe myself as socially anxious. In fact, I’m more of an extrovert. But, moving to a whole new city paralyzed me with fear. I felt anxious in every spot I visited. I had gotten stuck in a pretty bad routine: After work, I would just sit on my couch or lie in bed and scroll on social media until I fell asleep. After all, what else would I do? Where else could I even go?
It took weeks for me to finally muster up the courage to get off of my couch and explore the unfamiliar. I made connections with the other amazing journalists here at Ideastream. I started going to more Open Mic events. I went to community dinners with other folks looking for friendship. I even signed up for kickball and dodgeball leagues to get some exercise.
I tried everything that seemed interesting, just to meet people. Now, I’m seeing the benefits of my hard work. I’m much more confident walking around Cleveland. I made some great friends, and I’m only looking forward to growing my community.
Unfortunately, my experience isn’t an outlier. Loneliness is very common in America, especially for younger people like me. According to a 2024 Gallup poll, one-fifth of U.S. adults — an estimated 52 million people — reported feeling lonely for "a lot of the day." In a 2023 report, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy warned that the U.S. is living through a loneliness epidemic.
Murthy writes, “Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling — it harms both individual and societal health. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”
I recently spoke with Dr. Adam Borland for a story, out today, on this same topic. I asked him how he would counsel folks who feel socially anxious but want to find community. He told me that becoming vulnerable is the first step to making new friends.
“I think it's important to be open to display vulnerability,” Borland said. “I think if you do if you take steps like that, you will be able to connect with others, and hopefully that social anxiety will begin to lessen.”
As a journalist, one of the most important tools in my kit isn’t necessarily a microphone or digital recorder. It’s attitude. A few minutes of small talk about the weather, the weekend, or even a sporting event can go a long way to disarming someone who might be really nervous. A well-timed joke can open up someone who only answers with one word. These skills are vital to being a good reporter and a good friend. Even if we aren’t discussing a deeper topic, being vulnerable enough to start a conversation and just saying ‘Hello’ lays the groundwork to build a friendship.
I wouldn’t call myself a Clevelander just yet. After all, I just got here in July. But over the last seven months (and counting), Cleveland has been my home. And every day I find that the more I’m willing to open myself up to Cleveland, the more the city has to offer me.
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