At 15 years old, Ryn, whose full name we’re not using due to privacy concerns, discovered she was pregnant.
She’d had unprotected sex with her 22-year-old boyfriend, who had told her he was sterile because of a childhood injury.
“I remember I came out to the porch to smoke a cigarette," Ryn said. "It was the first snow of the season. I'm watching the snowflakes come down and I look down at the tests and it's positive. And I'm like, 'No, that's wrong.'”
Coerced into marriage
That moment shifted the trajectory of Ryn's life. Her parents threw her out of the house and she dropped out of high school. She moved in with her boyfriend's family, who pushed her to get married — to avoid her boyfriend being prosecuted for statutory rape.
“I was cut off from all of my family and friends and I was told by all of his family that it takes two to tango," Ryn said. "I was (her boyfriend's family said) the one who seduced him. If I didn't want him to go to prison for something that was my fault, I needed to step up and marry him.”
She married him and the next year her son was born. The birth was traumatic and left Ryn injured. But the pain didn’t end there. Another person who was supposed to protect her harmed her.
“When the female doctor stitched me back up, she looks at my husband and she (said), ‘I'll put an extra stitch in there for you’ and gives him this wink," Ryn recalled.
According to Ryn, the doctor had sewn what’s known as a "husband stitch," an unnecessary extra stitch that creates a flap of skin at the opening of the vagina. Some believe it makes intercourse more pleasurable for men, but for Ryn, the flap caused her pain and discomfort for years.
Returning to unhealthy relationships
Ryn left her husband and moved to Medina to be close to her grandparents. But she soon found herself in another relationship. This time, it was her first childhood love. They had two children together.
But he turned abusive too, only it took Ryn years to see it that way. She came to understand he had silent rules. If those rules were broken by Ryn, or the children, he would fly into a violent rage.
One night, she left everything behind, even the family pets, and drove her children to Wooster, the closest shelter that had space for her family.
Ryn soon found out she wasn’t alone. Rates of adults seeking shelter due to domestic violence are growing in Northeast Ohio, with many shelters operating at near or full capacity. The Journey Center for Safety and Healing in Cleveland noted a 20% increase in calls in 2020 compared to previous years, attributed in part to the pandemic.
The shelter stay led Ryn to her calling, working in community support services, where she could help people with hidden challenges, much like her own.
She now works as a mobility manager for Community Action Wayne/Medina, where she encounters people facing abuse.
Ryn was once helping a woman who was facing utility shut offs, when Ryn got the sense something else was going on. The woman revealed to her that she was anxious about what to do about her abusive partner's weapon at home.
“So I helped her take some deep breaths," she said. "I was like, ‘Hey, I fled domestic violence. I know a really great nonprofit that's down the street.’”
Starting fresh
Ryn and her family are still working on their own healing. Her oldest son struggles with severe anxiety, which Ryn attributes in part to their abusive past. Therapy is making a difference.
She now tries to help her son understand why she didn’t leave her abusive partner sooner.
“I should not have let him be in our life," Ryn recalled telling her son. "And I should not have let him be in our life for that long. And I should have left a long time ago. But I did leave. And we are safe now and we can repair.’”
For her, empathy and support were critical to helping her escape violence and her loss of self.
Emerging on the other side, Ryn sees optimism, even when faced with everyday challenges.
“I know what it's like to be in those really, really, really dark places," she said. "So if I'm stuck in traffic and my (air conditioner's) broken and I'm out of water and there's a fly buzzing around my car, that stinks, but I'm OK. I'm OK.”
People experiencing abuse may find help at the Journey Center for Safety and Healing 24-Hour Helpline: 216.391.4357 (HELP)
