(SOUNDBITE OF JOHN MELLENCAMP SONG, "SMALL TOWN")
SARAH MCCAMMON, HOST:
There's a reason why they write so many songs about small towns. Small-town living can be really nice. And before she became a recording artist, Morgan Saint lived in one of those small towns - Mattituck, New York.
MORGAN SAINT: Yeah. So I grew up on, like, the eastern end of Long Island. Way - like, pretty much as far as you can go out east on Long Island is where I grew up. And it's, like, a beautiful place surrounded by water and farms, and there's just a lot of room to breathe. But it is a small town, so with that comes, you know, small-town vibes.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "15 FOREVER")
SAINT: (Singing) Forever 15. Forever complicated. Thought I was out of the woods, but I'm in deep again.
MCCAMMON: By age 15, Morgan Saint was wrapping her head around being queer - a tough thing, no matter where you grow up. In her small town, it could feel like an albatross.
SAINT: As I started to come to terms with it, it was also mixed with, like, that small-town mentality. Like, I don't think being queer is, like, a good thing in the eyes of the people I'm around, and it was being made fun of around me, and it's something that I'm struggling with internally. And I feel like I'm hearing these things around me, and I can't - and I now don't feel safe or comfortable to talk about.
MCCAMMON: That's already a lot to deal with. Saint, unfortunately, had to cope with losing a friend to suicide at that time.
SAINT: It really rocked, like, my whole world. So I'm, like, kind of dealing with those two things at the same time, mixed with the angst of being 15, and I'm a very sensitive person. And so it was just sort of a - it felt, at the time, like, a big storm that I was caught in, and I didn't really see a way out.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "15 FOREVER")
SAINT: (Singing) Meditate, light a candle. If I pray, I can handle all the weight and all the noise.
MCCAMMON: Saint found that way out. She left Mattituck and became a recording artist. Her full-length debut album, "Out Of The Blue," is out now. Her song "15 Forever" recalls that chaotic time in her life.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "15 FOREVER")
SAINT: (Singing) Wishing you could fly. Wishing you could touch the sky. You can't even get up out of bed. How are you supposed to be all right?
MCCAMMON: But Saint couldn't stay away forever. She moved back to Mattituck, no longer a kid struggling with her sexual identity, but as an adult with a wife. As it turns out, her small town grew up a little while she was gone.
SAINT: I've had so many supportive, sweet people, and also people that I did go to high school with that are older now and also are really living in their truth in a similar way to me. So it's been refreshing, in a lot of ways, to see that and feel that and see how far, you know, people's thinking has come, even in the last five, 10 years.
MCCAMMON: Saint says coming back home helped her process the pain of her teen years.
SAINT: You know, one, being queer is such a gift. I really feel like it's such a great - it's can be challenging, but I think it's such a gift, and that's something that I want people to really know and feel 'cause it's something that I've had to really learn and believe. And it's taken me time, but it's so beautiful. And really, no one's opinion of you should really matter because, at the end of the day, it's how you feel about yourself.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "15 FOREVER")
SAINT: (Singing) You don't have to be like anybody else. Shining like a star. Just look at yourself. Got the same Nikes on your feet. Maybe 15 is when you lost me.
MCCAMMON: It took a few years, but Morgan Saint and her hometown of Mattituck have both come around to seeing and accepting each other.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "15 FOREVER")
SAINT: (Singing) Wishing you could fly. Wishing you could touch the sky. You can't even get up out of bed. How are you supposed to be all right? Wishing... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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