LEILA FADEL, HOST:
We are still in the age of the dating app. One swipe and you're paired up with a complete stranger. The results? Often not great. So have singles given up too soon on the good old-fashioned matchmaker? There have been a few reality TV shows asking that very question, "Indian Matchmaking," "Jewish Matchmaking," and debuting today on Hulu, "Muslim Matchmaker."
(SOUNDBITE OF TV SHOW, "MUSLIM MATCHMAKER")
YASMIN ELHADY: For Muslims, marriage is an act of worship. Many believe it's actually half your faith because when you're in a union with someone, you have to learn who you really are.
HODA ABRAHIM: Marriage is a blessing and a gift from God. But it's complicated, and it's anxiety-inducing.
FADEL: I feel like I'm obsessed with dating shows and then more obsessed with matchmaking shows. And now there's a "Muslim Matchmaker." I was like, it's made for me.
ELHADY: Good.
FADEL: Like, when I hear Yasmin say flirt to convert, I was like, I have literally tried.
(LAUGHTER)
ELHADY: So have I, yeah.
FADEL: Those are the hosts of "Muslim Matchmaker," Hoda Abrahim and Yasmin Elhady - funny, easy going, open-minded about finding the right match for each individual. But they have some pretty strict rules when it comes to dating. Yasmin calls them the rules of three.
ELHADY: Three dates, three months, 300 questions. And what I mean by that is that I think that by the third date, people should then decide whether to move forward with someone or not. And then I want three months for you to discover whether you have an emotional connection with someone or not. I love the idea of kind of transferring this no fear that we have of failure in business or in other industries to dating and say, hey, if you're going to fail, I want you to fail fast.
I really want them to explore the idea of commitment after those three months and say, OK, like, do you want to talk about a commitment timeline or not? And in the course of those three months of testing your compatibility with each other, I have 300 questions that you go through.
FADEL: It's a real formula you got there.
ELHADY: And it's a guideline. It's a framework. And the hope with the rules of three is to kind of get out of your own head for a second and say, oh, OK. This is the way this worked for other people. Here's some wisdom behind this. It may work for me, it may not work for me, but I'm going to learn a ton about myself through this process.
(SOUNDBITE OF TV SHOW, "MUSLIM MATCHMAKER")
ABRAHIM: When we make a match, we want people to be kind of in the same place. I'm not going to set somebody up that, like, is comfortable drinking with somebody that has never tasted alcohol. That match doesn't make sense. Halal-haram ratio is not lining up. Halal is basically the things that are permissible in our faith. Haram are the things that are not permissible in our faith.
FADEL: Do you think you two are what people expect when they hear Muslim matchmaker?
ABRAHIM: Hell, no. No.
FADEL: Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
ELHADY: Hell, no. No.
FADEL: Because, like, even in the show, a few of the people are like, I got a Muslim matchmaker. And they're like, oh, my gosh, like an old aunty? And then there's, like, you two, hip and fun.
ABRAHIM: (Laughter).
FADEL: What is it like being an American Muslim matchmaker to other Americans? Because there's 1.9 billion Muslims in the world, so it should be easy to find one, but there's not that many in the U.S.
ABRAHIM: You know, I think Yasmin and I are so lucky because we get to bond with our clients in the sense that we've had a lot of the same experiences they have.
FADEL: Yeah.
ABRAHIM: You know, we get to relate to them in a first-person level. You know, I've been through this. I've done this, and now I want to help you go through this.
ELHADY: You know, personally, me, I've gone through heartbreak. I've gone through divorce. Like, I know how hard it is.
FADEL: Yeah.
ELHADY: It's not easy to navigate commitment. And sometimes the playground of what the internet provides or where your work environment maybe seems happier than your home environment. So we want to give people an opportunity to really be happy at home and really find solace and sakina, as we say in our religion, which is like peace. Like, the whole point of marriage is peace. And it's so that it's a platform for you to spring forward and do whatever you're supposed to do on this Earth. It's not the end goal. It's just the means to get to your fullest potential.
FADEL: I love that. I'm ready. No, I'm just kidding (laughter).
ELHADY: I love it. You're single? What?
FADEL: No (laughter).
ELHADY: Leila.
FADEL: I mean, I am.
ELHADY: What? Let's talk about you, girl.
FADEL: So let's talk in a week. Find me. No, I'm just kidding. You kind of alluded to this, Yasmin, but we are in the age of dating apps. Everybody's on their phone. And there's an app for everyone, right?
ELHADY: Yes.
FADEL: Like, there's the Muslim app.
ELHADY: Yes.
FADEL: Like, there's all kinds, your Christian, Jewish, gay, straight, all that. So what are they not getting from the apps?
ELHADY: I always say I want people to feel like they're chosen and that they're also able to choose and they get to choose. And I think a part of that means you slow down, and you consider one person at a time. And I think that's unfortunately not in the app culture. The app culture is next, next, next. Onto the next one.
FADEL: Yeah.
ELHADY: And that can really feel like it's cheapening the entire experience. And it hits at, sometimes, your self-worth as well.
FADEL: What do you think is going to surprise people about this show?
ABRAHIM: You know, Muslims haven't had a lot of representation in this space, and I think whenever we do, and it's related to love, it doesn't always feel authentic or genuine to the experiences that we go through. And so we really work hard to fuse, you know, our traditions and our culture with modern-day dating and making it applicable for everybody, no matter your background or where you live. And I think people will definitely be surprised by that.
ELHADY: I think it really showcases the panoply of who we are, and that we are part of this rich tapestry of the United States and that we go through the exact same things that you guys are going through out there in the world.
ABRAHIM: (Laughter) We're just looking for love.
ELHADY: And I think it helps expand people's thoughts about what a Muslim could look like and could be. You're going to also see different ideologies, different loves that they have. It's such a joyful show.
FADEL: It's really fun.
ELHADY: And we really want people to see that Muslims are life-affirming. We're joyful. We're here, and we're not going anywhere.
FADEL: Not to killjoy, but I also feel like it's coming out at a time where, like, there's really a heightened hate toward Muslims in this moment...
ELHADY: Yes.
ABRAHIM: Yeah.
FADEL: ...And a lot of marginalized minority groups. Do you think it's an antidote a little bit to that, I mean, that this is something that everybody can watch?
ABRAHIM: Yeah, we hope so. We really tried to put a lot of joy on screen and hope that while people are watching this, they learn something and that they feel good and it kind of sparks joy, for sure.
ELHADY: But I really think that the show is a peek into our world, and in a way that is totally and completely without judgment, without any preconceived notions. And so it's just like an invitation to take a look and see if the way that we're doing things is what you expected or it's something that you could even actually learn from.
FADEL: Hoda Abrahim and Yasmin Elhady are the cohosts of "Muslim Matchmaker," now streaming on Hulu. Thank you to you both.
ABRAHIM: Thank you so much, Leila. This was amazing.
ELHADY: Thank you, Leila.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "IN COLOR")
BENJ HEARD: (Singing) I'm feeling like a new man, like a got a new plan. And I can finally see. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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