MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:
The recent election reminded us of just how divided the country is, at least on some things, and also left at least some personal relationships on shaky ground - parents and children, siblings, friends, spouses, neighbors. We've been hearing from many people who voted differently from people they care about, and now they're wondering how to repair those relationships or if they even can or should.
We asked people who read our Up First newsletter to tell us if they're experiencing this. But we also decided to put these questions to Eric Liu. He is the cofounder of Citizen University. That's a nonprofit that aims to build community and civic awareness in America. We thought he could offer some helpful advice on this. Eric, thanks so much for joining us.
ERIC LIU: Michel, it's great to be with you.
MARTIN: OK, so let me start by saying that not everybody is at odds over politics. We reached out to people who read our Up First newsletter, and a number of people responded. And one of the first people we heard from was Antonio Arevolo (ph). He's from Texas, and he has political differences with his aunt. And this is what he said.
ANTONIO AREVOLO: So when I posted that I had voted for Trump, she commented on my photo, regardless of who you vote for, you're still my No. 1, which meant a lot to me. You know, we've always kind of had a philosophical disagreement in our views of things, but it has never gotten in the way of how we treat each other or how much we love each other.
MARTIN: That's one person. But having said that, here is Lauren Buscher (ph) in Maryland.
LAUREN BUSCHER: A few of my family members and a close friend voted for Trump, and I voted for Kamala Harris. I made the decision to go no-contact with them because I am done compromising my own ethics for the sake of upholding a relationship that doesn't support me.
MARTIN: I have to tell you, Eric, that this is not the only person from whom we heard this. There are relationships that we are learning did not survive the election. What do you think about that? Is it ever, in your view, a good idea to just break off contact with people because you feel like your differences are just too great to be bridged?
LIU: I think that the most important thing we've got to remember is that for most people, political identity is not the totality of their identity. People are more complicated than how they vote. And yeah, sometimes things matter to you in a way, and it hurts in a way that someone who you thought was close to you voted against what you perceive to be your identity. Then you've got to step away.
But other times, like the first person who spoke in that clip, you put this in the context of a relationship that has other facets. And, you know, to me, that the underlying question of all of this moment is how shall we live together? And sometimes a union of diverse people, whether that's a marriage or whether that's a country like ours, sometimes that requires that you take a break. Sometimes that requires that you double down and lean into the relationship, even when you've been hurt by the choice that the other person has made. But to me, this fundamental question is how do we keep a meta level of commitment to actually living together and not cutting ourselves off from one another?
MARTIN: So, you know, we have another response from somebody who speaks to that question. This is Carol Easterday (ph) from Texas.
CAROL EASTERDAY: My brother voted for Trump, and I voted for Harris. He is a truck driver, and for five days a week, he sits alone in the cab of a truck and listens to far-right media. In the last two elections, we have gotten to a point where we do not talk about politics. We can't have a rational conversation, so we try to just avoid it and continue being a family in spite of it.
MARTIN: And this is also something that we heard from a lot of people, which is to say that we can't talk about this issue. We can't talk about these issues, so we just don't talk about this at all. And I'm wondering about this because some of these really are vital issues. Maybe they're not the totality of somebody's identity, but they are really vital issues. I mean, why should they continue to try to engage, in your opinion?
LIU: You know, this temptation to just sort ourselves and sift and segregate ourselves so that I'm only with people who are, quote-unquote, "like me," it's a fool's errand. The habit of disunion is incredibly contagious. And you can't just sever yourself off. The fractal of, oh, I can just keep on slicing it and slicing it so I'm only with the most pure, who are most purely like me, ain't ever going to happen. That's just not how human life is, but that's certainly not how American life is.
The whole point of American life is to make something greater than the sum of the parts. And when we let ourselves drift from that, we become as we've been the last few presidential elections, extremely exploitable - extremely divisible by Russian actors, by Iranian actors, but also by American actors who just want to split us apart. And I think that is not just a waste of American potential, that is a big threat, truly existential threat, to our existence as a society.
MARTIN: That's Eric Liu. He is the cofounder of Citizen University. That's a nonprofit that aims to build community and civic engagement in the United States. Eric Liu, thank you so much for talking with us.
LIU: Great to be with you, Michel. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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