It’s early spring in Cleveland and a really big day for Sue Duffy. In her hand is a thick envelope that contains a part of her life she knows nothing about. She was adopted. Now 49 years later she's decided she wants to know more about where she came from.
DUFFY: When I think about what that report contains it’s just so exciting. It’s a whole story. And then I think, it’s my story!
That story begins just before Christmas 1961 – a time when it was very shameful to be a single, pregnant woman. A 22 year old from Solon is living in a maternity home for unwed mothers. She goes into labor and is whisked to the Cleveland Clinic where she gives birth to a healthy baby girl. But Sue’s still holding that thick envelope. She hasn’t learned any of this yet.
DUFFY: It’s sort of exciting and terrifying at the same time because I’ve spent 49 years kind of identifying myself as the daughter of James and Marianne, the sister of Maureen, but always knowing there was something else.
MARY ANNE: It’s too bad it didn’t happen earlier is how I feel.
That’s 82 year old Mary Anne Duffy of Mentor, who along with her late husband, James, adopted Sue. Mary Anne says she’s always supported the idea of Sue searching for her birth mother.
MARY ANNE: I wouldn’t like going through life not knowing what I might be able to learn.
But at age 49 and with her mom’s blessing, Sue begins the search and she invites me along for the journey.
Sue Duffy is at the offices of Adoption Network Cleveland. This is where many adoptees start their searches. Sue’s already done the first step. She mailed away for her original birth certificate. Sue was fortunate to have been born in a year when access to records are available to adoptees. Adoptees actually have two birth certificates – the one they’re born with and the one from their adoption. It’s on this original certificate she learns her birth mother named her Cheryl.
NARRATOR: So you had another name!
DUFFY: I never, ever, ever considered that I had another name.
Birth certificate in hand, which included her birth mother’s maiden name, Sue then writes a letter to Catholic Charities, the agency that handled her adoption, to see if they have any information about her beginnings. A month goes by….then it arrives….That thick envelope with much of her life story. Adoption agencies provide what’s known as non-identifying information. Details the birth mom gives to the agency. Sue’s been sitting with this envelope for a couple of days waiting for a time both her sister and I could come for the big opening.
{Sound of envelope opening}
DUFFY: Dear Ms. Duffy. This is the report you requested with the non identifying information…
First, Sue learns some basic facts. Her mom was 22 years old when she gave birth. A high school graduate…
DUFFY: And she reportedly went to beauty school after she graduated…
But gave it up because she didn’t like the work.
DUFFY: Information on birth father…
She finds out her birth father was a 24 year old construction worker…
DUFFY: He was described as slender build, black curly hair. Blue eyes. A fair complexion. {chokes back tears} You just don’t know how you’re going to react till you’re reading it.
The letter contains pages of details about maternal and paternal relatives, where they lived and their careers. And Sue finds out she was actually the second baby her birth mom surrendered for adoption.
DUFFY: Wow, that’s a lot to absorb…I think it might even be more than I was expecting.
The thing about this letter – while it’s packed with information – it doesn’t contain any names. And her birth mother may be married with a new name. Over the weeks to come, Sue is about to use the details in this letter to figure out the name and address of her birth mother. In mid March she sat down with Linda Bellini with Adoption Network. Linda guides adoptees through the search process.
BELLINI: What I’m going to be suggesting to you are going to be online or library kinds of research.
DUFFY: OK.
Linda lays out a plan that involves looking up obituaries, scouring city records and death certificates – all of which will be needed to find her birth mother’s married name. Each piece of information leading to the next. After about six weeks Sue hits the jackpot. All signs point to Sue’s birth mother is now married and living in Chagrin Falls.
DUFFY: My name is Sue Duffy and I have information that leads me to believe that we may be related.
So begins a letter that Sue wrote to the woman she and Adoption Network believe is her birth mother. It’s carefully handwritten on several pages of stationary.
DUFFY: I grew up in a loving family that includes one older sister who was also adopted. I’ve lived in the Cleveland area my entire life.
Sue gives a bit more biographical information, but not too much because she wants to give her birth mom a reason to get in touch.
DUFFY: I’m sending you my very best wishes and hope to hear from you soon. Sincerely Sue Duffy.
Sue places the pages inside a small envelope and licks it shut.
Here we go. (sound of dropping into mail box). Can’t go in there and get it (laughs). We’ll pray for the best.
Sue waited for five days. And a call came. But it was not the one she was expecting. It was Linda Bellini from Adoption Network who, earlier that day, had gotten a call from Sue’s birth mother. This is Sue, recounting that difficult conversation.
DUFFY: She basically stated that she had received a letter and it was from me. But unfortunately she wasn’t able to acknowledge that I was her daughter.
NORRIS: We always tell people you can’t have any expectations. You’ve got to keep it open ended.
Betsy Norris is the founder of Adoption Network Cleveland. She’s been doing these searches for more than 20 years. More than a hundred people work with her organization every year to locate their birth parents. And Norris says she sees a range of responses.
NORRIS: It could be anything from the person isn’t interested…needs more time. Or maybe they want more than you want and you’ve got to navigate some of those issues.
Norris says it’s very common for unmarried women of the 1950’s and 1960’s to want to keep a lid on that part of their life. Perhaps they never told their future husbands or children. Despite the disappointing outcome, Sue says she’s still glad she did the search.
DUFFY: And this whole thing might be an exercise in realizing things went the way they were supposed to go all those years ago. That I was given the greatest chance by being placed with another family and things turned out pretty good.
Having to accept rejection is not an uncommon result in these searches. It’s always a risk what you’ll find. Meantime, Sue’s older sister is taking that risk – as she, with Sue’s help, searches for her birth mother.